Why Baby Won’t Sleep at Night: 5 Key Reasons & How to Help

Understanding the Most Common Reasons Babies Struggle to Sleep at Night

Let’s imagine it’s 3 am and you’re exhausted. You have to be up for work in 3 hours to prepare for a big meeting at 8 am. You’re baby just woke up… again. 

You grab your phone and head to Google. “WHY WON’T MY BABY SLEEP?”

You’re met with dozens of how-to articles, quick-fix tips, and solidarity. 

Let’s face it. You probably don’t have to imagine because that is your reality every night. And nothing has worked. 

You’ve tried all the things, and your baby still wakes up 2 hours or is up for the 2 am party until 4 am. You can’t get by forever living like this. 

I know. I’ve been there. 

Baby sleep is a massive puzzle to put together, and it can be daunting trying to figure it out when you’re getting through your day on coffee and Doritos. 

From basic needs and sleep environment to sleep routines, overtiredness, and sleep associations, we are going to cover the most common reasons your baby won’t sleep at night. 

Basic Needs: Why Hunger, Dirty Diapers, or Overtiredness Can Mean Your Baby Won't Sleep

Okay, I’m sure you know this already, but let’s run through the checklist. These are the first thing to check when your baby won’t sleep at night. 

First, hunger. Babies' tummies are small. The age of your child makes a big difference in how long they can go through the night. 

Newborns are going to wake every 2 to 3 hours to eat. They have tiny bellies and can’t take in very much. Such a challenging time, but it gets better. 

As your child starts to get older, say a few months old, they can go for longer stretches. Try a dream feed before you go to bed to extend that first stretch. 

If you have an older infant or toddler, make sure they have a big dinner before bed. This can be challenging if you have a picky eater. If that is your little one, try to find a preferred food that your child can fill up on to get through the night. 

You know the special kind of tired you get at Thanksgiving after having lots of turkey. There is a chemical called tryptophan that is responsible for the relaxation and sleepiness you feel. The good news is that tryptophan can be found in other non-Thanksgiving foods. Foods with high amounts of tryptophan include: dairy (cheddar, gruyere, and Swiss cheeses have even higher levels), nuts (if age appropriate), tofu and soy products, wheat and oats, bananas, green leafy vegetables, eggs, and poultry (hello, turkey!).

If you can get your child to eat these sleep-inducing foods, you will not only fill them up to get them through the night, but give their body a boost to produce those lovely sleep chemicals. 

You can also give a small amount of water in a spill-proof cup. If they wake up during the night, a little water can help fill their belly so they get through to morning. 

Next, let’s talk about diapers. 

It probably doesn’t need to be said, but no one likes sleeping in their own waste. It can be tempting to ignore a dirty diaper if baby falls asleep while breastfeeding or with a bottle. 

I would encourage you to change the diaper. If it is just a small pee, you can probably get by without changing it. However, some children are very sensitive, even to pee. You know your child best. 

Lastly, in our master checklist, overtiredness. 

It seems counterintuitive, but overtired children do not sleep. I don’t know how many times I told my daughter, “I know you’re exhausted! Just go to sleep and you’ll feel better”. Never worked. 

Overtired babies need help to calm down. Some telltale signs of an overtired baby include: pulling at ears, rubbing eyes, and fluttering eyelids, cringing inconsolably, taking a long time to calm down even when held, constant yawning, pushing away breast or bottle, hyperactive behavior, and clinginess. 

It’s okay if you miss your child’s sleepy cues. They can be very subtle sometimes. It happens to all of us. 

If your baby is overtired, try to take them outside (if it’s safe to do so), even onto the back deck or patio. A change of scenery makes a big difference. If it’s the middle of the night and it’s not safe to go outside, maybe try to put them in a baby carrier and do some laps around the house. 

Again, a change of scenery. 

Okay, so here is our checklist. Always start here. Still having troubles? Let’s move on. 

Creating the Perfect Sleep Environment When Your Baby Won't Sleep

I have a whole guide on sleep environment. It has a checklist to make sure your child’s sleep environment is safe and conducive to sleep. 

A safe baby sleep environment is one of the most important factors in helping your baby sleep through the night. 

Download the Guide Here

Why A Consisten Bedtime Routine Helps When Your Baby Won't Sleep

Babies thrive with routines. Creating the perfect bedtime routine signals to your child’s brain that sleep is coming. 

Every family wonders how to create a baby bedtime routine that actually works. The answer is a little more complicated because it depends on your child and their temperament. However, a consistent bedtime routine helps reduce night wakes and overtiredness. 

An example might look like this: 

5:45 pm - breastfeed or give bottle 

6:00 pm - pick out pjs (bonus for letting your child choose between 2 or 3 options)

6:05 pm - bath 

6:30 pm - put on pjs, apply lotion, gentle baby massage

6:40 pm - brush teeth

6:45 pm - books and cuddles

7:00 pm - bed

It doesn’t have to look exactly like this. Some children need more rough-and-tumble play right before bed to get those last wiggles out. Others need more calm with books, cuddles, and low light. Every child is different. 

The most important thing is consistency. 

How Developmental Milestones Impact Sleep (and Why Your Baby Won't Sleep During Them)

Sleep regressions are so disruptive to your child’s sleep. I see so many families asking about how to fix sleep regressions. 

I’m here to tell you sleep regressions aren’t something to fix, but to celebrate. They mean your child is learning something new! It can be so challenging, but I would encourage you to shift your perspective. 

Okay, so now that we are thinking about developmental milestones differently, what can we do about them? 

The short answer is… not much. 

They typically occur at 4, 6, 9, and 12 months. Then 18 and 24 months. 

Regressions are so tough for you as a parent. Your child is (usually) getting a good amount of sleep, you start to feel more like yourself, and then WHAM. Frequent wake-ups, fighting sleep, early morning wake-ups, and short naps. 

So, can you do anything about it? Sort of. 

Consistency in your routine is essential. These times of sleep disruption can last between 2 and 6 weeks. Stay the course. Don’t introduce new sleep associations (we’ll talk about these in just a minute). This is a great time to practice boundaries, even with littles who have minimal language. And given choices when developmentally appropriate. Kids thrive on autonomy, so giving choices about what book to read or which pjs to wear can give them a sense that they have a say in their own existence. 

Give your child plenty of time during the day to practice their new skills so they don’t feel they have to at night. 

And make sure to practice self-care for yourself. There isn’t much we can do to help our children through these times, but we can show up as our best selves. And that means taking the extra hot bath with a bar of chocolate. Or bingeing a show and doomscrolling. Whatever your self-care of choice is, do that. 

Breaking Sleep Associations: What to Do When Your Baby Won't Sleep Without Help

If you are in the thick of the newborn phase right now, I would encourage you to think about how you are putting your baby to sleep. However, this time is about surviving, so take what works and leave what doesn’t. It gets better! 

For everyone else, firstly, you’ve done nothing wrong. Your child was learning to communicate, and you were learning to listen. 

But let’s say that now your child only falls asleep while nursing. Or maybe they have to be rocked or bounced. 

You get them in the crib, walk away, sit down, and they wake right up. You go back in and repeat your whole routine of nursing, rocking, or bouncing. 

Your child has possibly learned that they need that thing to fall asleep. Again, it’s okay. 

You can teach your child to sleep without relying on you. There are fast approaches and gradual approaches. 

A fast approach would be to go cold turkey. I do not recommend this for breastfeeding mothers because we want to be mindful of your supply and comfort. You can, but there is a risk of clogged ducts or mastitis. 

A gradual method would involve tapering down how long you are nursing, rocking, or bouncing. Let’s say you are rocking for 10 minutes every night. Decrease by 2 minutes every night until you are no longer rocking your child to sleep. 

For breastfeeding, decrease by 2 minutes a night or 0.5 oz from a bottle. 

A note about breastfeeding: I am a strong supporter of breastfeeding. I am still nursing my 2-year-old daughter and will continue until she is ready to stop. A lot of sleep consultants will tell you that you have to night wean, even kids as young as 4 months. Breastfeeding is a very personal and emotional decision. I will not make that choice for you. If you want to, I can help. If not, we can help put boundaries in place to make it a positive experience for you and your baby. I will hold the space for all scenarios to be true. 

Okay, off my soapbox. 

The point is that sleep associations are anything your child uses to get to sleep. If they wake up and don’t have that thing, they will struggle to get back to sleep until we teach them the skills to fall asleep independently. 

Conclusion

Baby sleep struggles are so exhausting, but you don’t have to go through them alone. By checking for basic needs, creating the perfect sleep environment, building a consistent bedtime routine, supporting developmental milestones, and addressing sleep associations, you’ll uncover the main reasons your baby won’t sleep at night.   

If you are still struggling and wondering how to help your baby sleep through the night, let’s chat. I’d love to support you.

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