The Great Bed-Sharing Debate

In November, I enrolled in a Sleep Coaching training program after being inspired by the sleep journey with my daughter. As part of my program, I worked with volunteer families under the guidance of a mentor.

I started the volunteer process at the beginning of January. One family with an 11-month-old boy went from frequent night wakings leading to bed-sharing and nursing to sleep to multiple 9+ hour nights. I was overjoyed to celebrate this huge win alongside this family.

Until I got an email from another family I was supporting.

She called me judgmental and unempathetic. Said the support I was giving based on my program’s stance on bed-sharing was a dismissal of her family’s experience, culture, and socioeconomic standing.

The American Academy of Pediatrics is of the opinion that bed-sharing is unsafe under all circumstances. My program agrees so they do not advocate for it in any capacity.

I, however, have a different opinion.

Terminology

There is often some confusion about terminology when we talk about co-sleeping versus bed-sharing versus room-sharing.

Bed-sharing is exactly what it sounds like. Sharing a bed with your child.

Room-sharing is sharing a room with a child, but they are in a separate sleep space such as a crib or bassinet.

Co-sleeping is a little trickier to define because it is used in different ways. Co-sleeping can refer to bed-sharing or room-sharing. It can also refer to a situation where the child is in a separate sleep space that is attached to the parent’s bed like a sidecar.

Bed-Sharing

Of the 15 families who inquired to work with me, every single one of them brought their child into their bed.

Parents bed-share for a number of reasons.

For some families, it is the dream situation. Sleeping next to their little one and cuddled up in pure bliss.

For others, not so much. It is an act of desperation. The only way to get their kiddo to sleep.

With frequent wake-ups, nursing or bottle-feeding to sleep, and sometimes endless crying, parents are left with no choice. They bring bub into their bed so everyone can get some much-needed rest.

Baby sleeps. Parents sleep. What’s the harm, right?

SIDS

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, also known as SIDS, is a term used to describe the unexplained death of an otherwise healthy child.

“SIDS is the leading cause of death in babies between 1 month and 1 year old in the United States. About 2,500 infants die every year because of SIDS.” — Cleveland Clinic

Due to the significant number of SIDS cases per year, it seems logical to eliminate as many risk factors as possible. This includes bed-sharing.

The Debate

When we think about ways to reduce risk, the first thought is naturally to avoid that thing.

Seems logical, right?

However, as of 2015, 24% of families bed share according to NPR.

It reminds me of the conversation around banning books or abstinence only sex education. If we eliminate the thing, problem solved, right?

Right?

Nope.

I am of the opinion that this hard-and-fast rule is likely leading to higher numbers of SIDS cases.

Parents face stigma around their child’s sleep.

I have a family member who asks every time I see them if my daughter is sleeping through the night yet. Often, these comments are followed by “well, what we did was [enter cry it out method here]”.

If we get these types of comments from our own family, imagine how challenging it must be to tell a pediatrician your child sleeps in bed with you.

This likely skews the data.

And if more parents are bed-sharing than is being reported, are the actual statistics are bad as we are led to believe?

Now, SIDS is a very real danger, and I do not want to discredit that. No family should have to go through the loss of a child.

So, if parents are statistically likely to bring their baby into their bed, why not teach them the safe way to do so? Can we lower SIDS rates through education rather than full elimination and stigma?

I would think so.

Closing

I was given the opportunity this past week to give a presentation to some local moms about newborn sleep. It was very important to me to educate on safe sleep practices, including bed-sharing.

My hope is to use my new business and developing platform to educate.

We need to teach people to sleep with their children safely.

I truly hope we can see the numbers start to trend downwards.

And so, to that end, here is a graphic from the La Leche League on safe bed-sharing!

Sleep well.